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So often, many of my friends complain that it is hard to meet people and that they just don't feel the spark with the people that they do meet. I like to challenge this idea and suggest that perhaps it's not that it's the wrong people, but that they are simply unable to find a way to connect.

This week's Conversation Playbook was written based on one of these conversations with my coaching client, Rick. On he left side, you'll see an actual conversation he had at a party and on the right side is some suggestions on how he could have directed the conversation to something more meaningful. I call it shifting from the "thinking" intellectual brain to the "feeling" emotional brain.

The questions highlighted in red are where I suggested Rick could have taken the conversation to a more meaningful direction.

It's pretty natural to start asking factual questions to start. It creates context for the conversation. But soon after, you can see that Rick has an opportunity to introduces some "feeling" questions (exploring enjoyment) but instead stays on the facts (exploring location). Let's see how the two conversations play out.

If you stay on factual questions, it can be pretty hard to find an emotional connection or share one about yourself. But when you start introducing "feeling" questions, you can follow the thread on feelings they express and share your own as appropriate. Let's see how that changes the conversation:

You'll notice on the left column that the other person expressed an emotion ("I just love") and Rick did not pick up on it or respond to the "feeling" but instead took it back to the factual space. I've noticed that people tend to miss those cues a lot when I've dropped them in conversation. Let's see how to take the conversation to the next meeting.

At this point, you can see that in both versions of the conversation, Rick has the opportunity to suggest a future meeting. However, on the left side, it will be premised on an activity, while on the right side, it would be based on something the other person said they loved - a social thing that builds community.

In my experience, one is generally more likely to lead to connection than the other since you've already opened the door to talk about something that's meaningful to the other person.

I hope you found the Conversation Playbook this week helpful. I'm always open to feedback, suggestions, or personal stories. You can reach me by responding directly to this email.

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